I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
