I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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