This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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