Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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