one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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