She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
