I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
