no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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