I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
