Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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