guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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