It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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