I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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