I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
