she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
They are going to name an STD after you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
