I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
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His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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