he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
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he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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