Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
