how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
