He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So drunk its hurt
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
