There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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