I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
