We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
