i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
two words...techno handjob
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
