how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
