John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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