I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
