he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
