I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize