I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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