he puts the penis in happiness.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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should my penis look like a turkey
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
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we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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