Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
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Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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