wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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