You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.