I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
