What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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