omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?