I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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