dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
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I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker