Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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