my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
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Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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