I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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