Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
