the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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