Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
