is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
