took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
