Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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