I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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