i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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