Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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