once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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