i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
