Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
