i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
