I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
is wine microwaveable?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
