I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
