my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
