I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
