Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I forget how to act sober
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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