I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
