that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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