Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
