Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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