Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
